Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Space Aliens make contact, apologize for spill of dark-matter that will soon destroy Earth

NASA confirmed Tuesday what scientists have been saying for decades, we are not alone. Aliens made contact with the international space station early this week and then spoke directly to the assembly of world leaders in the U.N.

Utilizing advanced translation software, the glowing, tentacled humanoids delivered a memorable first address: “Greetings people of Earth. You have not been aware of our existence, but we have known of you for generations and considered your primitive lives our responsibility. Unfortunately, one of our energy-producing inter-stellar drilling ships has pierced a hole in the space-time continuum which is now unstoppably leaking crude dark-matter, our civilization's major energy source, into your part of the galaxy. Your entire habitat will soon be destroyed and all life on Earth along with it.”

Amidst screams of horror from world leaders, the aliens were kind enough to explain that it was in their economic self interest to mine for the destructive energy source, and while they were taking the responsibility of the clean up very seriously, their best efforts would not be enough to prevent the forth-coming Armageddon.

“But, we are deeply sorry for this quite preventable tragedy,” added the alien's spokeperson, “we just needed to get that dark-matter to refinement mills so we could power our society. You wouldn't expect us to stall our progress, even for your sake. We have to mill, baby, mill.”

Jimi Jobin is a spiritual wanderer and teaches Religion and Philosophy in a private school. He, his wife and son live in Las Vegas, Nevada.