Senator John Ensign Denies Benefits to Nevadans Facing Highest Unemployment Rate in Nation, Chuckles

As a fourth vote to extend unemployment benefits seems likely to come up before the week is out, Senator John Ensign (R-NV) notified his constituents that even though his state leads in unemployment, home foreclosures, and bankruptcies, he will not be supporting legislation to ensure the continued income of brow-beaten Nevadans.

"I recognize," said the senator in a press conference Monday, "that folks in Nevada have been crushed under the weight of a recession they didn't cause. Homelessness, dire poverty, and the worst education system in America have all conspired to leave the people of my state hopeless and broken. Our fragile economy is on the brink of disaster and many families are living on credit and payday loans just to stay in their homes and keep food on their tables. The people of Nevada are working class folks, the sort that have paid into the unemployment system for years and now, when they need help the most, I am pleased to announce that I will be voting against the extension of that support."

Bewildered members of the press asked the senator to clarify, noting that it seemed preposterous to deny Nevadans the benefits they need to survive in the wake of such crippling circumstances. Ensign acknowledged the confusion and was happy to explain.

"A few years back I sold my soul to Satan and consequently owe my allegiance to the Dark Lord. As it turns out, it serves his purposes to stabilize the national debt at the expense of American families, especially Nevadans who will soon be homeless in the 110 degree inferno that surrounds their under-valued houses outlying our vacuous, job-deprived city centers." Ensign added, with a wink and a nod, "I'm just remembering who sent me to Washington in the first place."

Administration officials in the netherworld were unavailable for comment, but Mr. Satan took to his Twitter account just after the announcement.

"H8 2 C Sen. Ensign blaming me 4 block on benefits vote; I do not assoC8 w him, and he has no soul to my knwldge. #JohnEnsighIsADouche"

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Jimi Jobin is a spiritual wanderer and teaches Religion and Philosophy in a private school. He, his wife and son live in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The Senate has four days to save the world

The importance of timely Congressional action on the extenders bill and a brief history of the Doc Fix.  

By: Jordan Young  

This afternoon, the Senate invoked cloture on a motion to begin debate on the Continuing Extension Act (H.R. 4851), the legislation to extend by a month Unemployment Insurance, COBRA subsidies, and federal flood insurance senators had left unfinished before skipping town for a two week recess at the end of March. Much has been written on the left and right about Senator Tom Coburn's (R-OK) effort to hold up the legislation unless it was offset by Recovery Act funds. To be frank, I don't think those who are counting on UI benefits or COBRA benefits give a damn about the political points being scored in that debate.  

And neither will doctors who treat Medicare patients on Thursday, when this starts to affect them. The legislation also includes a one month extension of the Medicare SGR Fix. Commonly referred to as the "Doc Fix," this is essentially a case of Congress needing to clean up its own mess.  

In 1997, Congress passed the Medicare Sustainable Growth Rate which attempted to hold down Medicare costs by automatically cutting reimbursements to doctors when costs rose by too much. The problem was the SGR formula was based on an unrealistically low base cost, so for the last decade Congress has been passing temporary legislation every year or so to prevent those cuts from going into effect.  

Come Thursday, without Congressional action, the CMS (Center for Medicare & Medicaid Services) will be forced to begin releasing reimbursements to doctors at a staggering 21.2 percent cut.  

So, Congress now has just a few days to debate and pass this legislation. Once they've done that, they really should think about passing a permanent fix to the SGR formula so Medicare recipients and the physicians who provide them care aren't held hostage to our broken legislative system on an annual basis.